Cat Toys

Oliver doesn't do cat toys. At all.

Rolaids, on the other hand, F'N ROCK!!!

Hey look more kitties!!

I find these quite humerous. They actually make me laugh out loud. I guess being a cat lover/parent helps but I know a couple other people that will appreciate them also. Hope you at least get a grin out of them...

One question... my tissues have been.... fighting?!?

What is a blog?

I have been asked that question several times, but I never had the it put quite the way my dad put it today on the phone...

My Dad: "What's a blog?"

Me: "Well it's...."

My Dad (cutting me off): "I was thinking about that today and it sounds to me like one of those enormous boogers it takes two fingers to pick."

Me: --hysterical laughter-- (I have a gross sense of humor, I know)

My Dad: "So if that's the case, I'm glad I'm not a blogger... they have it rough. Which reminds me, next time you talk to your sister, tell her I said hi."

Hehe... hehehehe......... HA!.... HAHAHA!! .......Lori's a blogger.......

Ok this is really hard...

So once again I've been looking to food to fix, well, everything. Boredom, aggravation..... everything.

I started the 'diet' thing again yesterday. My fat clothes are starting to get hard to fit into again. That's sad. My sister used to call me "Skinny Minnie" but now my friends call me "Squishy." Seriously, I'm not kidding. Scott was trying to be sweet. I made a comment about my fat rolls a couple weeks ago and he said:

"You're not fat, you're..... you're squishy."

It stuck. Damnit. He was honestly trying to be nice (I think) but he fucked it all up. Boys tend to do that. So anyway I'm 'dieting'. For me that means eating normally. Only when I'm actually hungry and not eating cake or danishes just because they're on the kitchen counter when I walk by. You wouldn't think it would be that hard but when you've gotten into the habit of eating constantly... quite literally constantly, it's not so easy to do.

I'm cranky... very cranky...

I don't have a short attention span, I just... Oh, look a kitty!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Playdog Centerfold

I give you 'Budley'. He's our very own sexy pinup pup.


Tell your poodle to wipe her chin. She wants him... you know it.

It's elementary, my dear Watson!

Mystery 1 - The maid. Mail doesn't run on Sundays.



Mystery 2 - He shot the mirror.



Mystery 3 - Frost forms on the inside of the window.

Mystery 2 & 3

These are kinda easy so here are both of them.

Mystery 2:

A man walks into his bathroom and shoots himself right between the eyes using a real gun with real bullets.
He walks out alive, with no blood anywhere and no, he didn't miss and he wasn't Superman or any other crusader wearing a cape.

How did he do this?

Mystery 3:

Old Mr. Teddy was found dead in his study by Mr. Fiend. Mr. Fiend recounted his dismal discovery to the police:
"I was walking by Mr. Teddy's house when I thought I would just pop in for a visit. I noticed his study light was on and I decided to peek in from the outside to see if he was in there. There was frost on the window, so I had to wipe it away to see inside.
That is when I saw his body. So I kicked in the front door to confirm my suspicions of foul play. I called the police immediately afterward."
The officer immediately arrested Mr. Fiend for the murder of Mr. Teddy.

How did he know Mr. Fiend was lying?

Quote of the Day

When a woman steals your man, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

Hehe....

I'm gonna be an EMT!!!

My mother reminds me constantly ever since my sister's wedding that I am quickly approaching thirty and have nothing to show for almost three decades of life. The last conversation started when a guy friend of mine came to the house to do some work she wanted done. This is how it went -

Mom (as he was pulling out of the driveway): "He was cute."

Me: "He's just a friend, mom."

Mom: "When are you going to reel one of these guys in and keep him?"

Me (to myself): "Thanks a lot, Lori. You just had to go and get hitched and point her in my direction."

I love my mother and wouldn't trade her for the world, but damnit man.

I don't care to have anything at all to do with men at the moment and I don't see that changing in the near future. But I am going back to school. Maybe that will ease the pressure a little bit.

Lori said one time that she wished she could float through life the way I do.

Be careful what you wish for.

It's miserable. Mom's right. I'm looking thirty squarely in the eye. I've never been in a relationship that had a snowball's chance in hell of going anywhere and once I had a high school diploma, the thought of going back to school only crossed my mind long enough for me to think "I'll do it later." It gets to a point where you honestly start to wonder what the hell the point of life is. When getting up to pee in the morning is your biggest accomplishment for the week you feel more than useless. It's seriously depressing. Big time.

So I decided it was time to establish a goal or two. And I did. I'm going back to school. I'm going to be an EMT. It's going to be expensive, and it's not going to be easy but nothing in life worth having comes easily. It took me almost 26 years to figure that out. Maybe if I stay in school for a while I won't get any more of the hints and/or direct questions as to when I'm going to find a boy and "reel him in." I don't know if I'll be able to handle the grandbabies comments. Did you get them Lori?

Anyway, I'm excited, I can't wait to get started and I had to share.

Did you give up on the riddles and mysteries Sarah?

Three Mysteries

I got an email that was titled "Three Mysteries" which was exactly what was in it... go figure.

I figured I would post them instead of more riddles. (My life is very boring at the moment. This is way more fun, trust me.)

So here's the first one:

A man was found murdered Sunday morning. His wife immediately called the police.

The police questioned the wife and staff and got these answers:

The wife said she was sleeping.

The cook was preparing breakfast.

The gardener was gathering vegetables.

The maid was getting the mail.

The butler was polishing shoes in the pantry.

The police instantly arrested the murderer.

Who did it and how did they know?

Riddle #4 Answer

Well Sarah, since you're the only person that ever reads my blog and Dad answered it without even thinking about it, here's the answer...

The Great Lakes

Superior, Michigan, Huron, Erie, Ontario

There are five, lakes being blue (as in true blue).

Lake Michigan belongs to the United States, the other lakes are shared by the United States and Canada.

The lakes are part of a chain, with locks between some of them.

Many shipwrecks occur by grounding on rocks in shallow water.

The initials spell "homes", which are found in neighborhoods.

Riddle #4

Five siblings are they, their color is true;

One belongs to one, four are shared by two.

Connected together, some by locks;

Many meet their fate upon the rocks.

Arrange their initials, and you should

Find things that are found in a neighborhood.

What has just been described?